Figuring it out.

I feel like Ive been run over with the same truck that got me before. I don't understand the need to continue this hurt, the feelings of shame and the guilt that I feel is unmeasurable. Why does he ask questions that continue to make me feel he has no trust for me. He was gone for 9 weeks 6 days. He lost his right to question me about the things I do, the people I talk to, and the reasons I talk to them. He has no right to question who I have as a friend. He has no right to make me feel small in his inability to deal with his emotions. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I have nothing to be shameful of, I am a good person and deserve to be treated with trust and love in a relationship. He is the one who left me, alone with no answers.

I wonder if he thinks he needs to keep it going just cause of the game. 

Why do I have to feel bad in this relationship. Why does he want to make me feel bad. Why does he continue to questions my friendships with guys, I don't want relationships with other guys. Why does he get to be moody about this. Why do I feel I keep having to explain myself to him. He has lots of friends on here. He has said so himself that he had convos with other girls was after i would go to sleep. Talking to them on ventrilo, a place i choose not to go, because of the past. I don't want this, I don't want to feel like i have to defend myself on a constant basis. I'm tired of crying, I shouldn't have to anymore. He was the who left  me with out a reason, he is the one who will not tell me about those 9 weeks and 6 days. He owes me an explanation for the hurt he caused me,  the pain i felt everyday he was gone. How dare he make me feel small, like  was doing something wrong. I did not disappear, and show up like nothing happened.

Im am tired of being called a lair. Im tired of asking for small things, like having a set date night, seeing each other on google once a week, what song I remind him of or sweet words. He still owes me a poem or two, he says that he put them away and he will get them out and send them to me. Does he even knows what I like, or desire.

Why did he come back really...is it revenge that is best served cold. What does he want just someone to talk to. I can do that, but if he wants more he needs to say it soon. he has 2o days to figure it out. Or I will figure it out for him.